Atrophy of the Mind [Invite/Closed]

[Da Qiao]

It had been one of those days when the war council room was loud. Even from the gardens she could hear the quick chatter, sometimes picking up on her husband’s and Zhou Yu’s voices. For once, Da Qiao chose not to attend, she watched as advisors and generals walked in and out of the room, faces stern and contorted in passive rage. She was always able to give her views on certain matters, but this once she could sense the situation was dire and she didn’t want to be a nuisance to her husband and his men. It wasn’t that Da Qiao wasn’t intelligent, quite the contrary she could be tactically valuable on the battle, but she knew her pacifism could cloud her opinions.

Da Qiao was slowly starting to get used to the lack of company. Xiao Qiao, unlike Da, was more willing to bear arms and train with the other soldiers. At the present, her sister was nowhere to be found and so Da was left to wander around their home the only form of communication were the few advisors who would notice her and tilt their heads in respect which Da could only return. Her young daughter was always being whisked away by a tutor, leaving Da left alone to her thoughts. Still, she believed herself to be very fortunate; some women didn’t have the opportunity to even lay eyes on their husband nor any means of communication. Da could sometimes see Ce run past, a simple brush of the hand and an apologetic smile as he turned back to look; It was enough for Da.

But more recently, there was a new addition to their family. Her husband’s beautiful concubine; Da felt no jealousy she knew that a concubine was common and accepted the woman like a sister, knowing that the love Ce had for Da was more powerful than attraction. Still Da had many doubt about her the new addition. Diao Chan came with heavy baggage, betraying two former lovers and was now a part of her own family. What scared Da the most was the fact that there was nothing stopping history from repeating itself? Da Qiao believed that everyone deserved a second and sometimes even a third, but Da was not willing to risk her people and her husband.

With her husband splitting time between the war and his family, it was common for Da to spend nights alone, opting to stay with her daughter holding the child to her chest as she drifted off to sleep sometimes staying up worrying about whether or not her husband and his men would survive. And yet seeing his smiling face when he returned was the only thing she asked for those long nights.

Returning to the present, Da did not want to stay near the negative aura so decided to return to her private quarters dismissing her hand maidens. It wasn’t late, but she knew the meeting could carry on into the night and so sat herself in front of her vanity. She could always go to bed early; if she was lucky she could fall asleep instantly. Staring at her reflection she began stalling taking her headdress and hairping out slowly, perhaps she would lose her sense of time and it would be late enough for her to quickly drift off into a deep slumber. This only made her movements slower, each individual strand of hair treated carefully.

[Sun Ce]

The sounds of the politicians and advisors bickering brought a sigh from the Wu lord. He surveyed the room with increasing irritation, hoping to catch a glimpse of his wife, one that so often brought him back from bad thoughts and enabled him to stand the petty squabbling of his court. As he looked, he was shocked to realise there was no sign of Da Qiao, presumably opting for an early night rather than work.

The lack of the positive influence of Qiao turned Ce’s gaze back to the argument currently developing between two mid-court officials. “Give it a rest, geez. One more word from either of you two and I will have you drilling the 4th Army for the next ten weeks!” He shook his head and sighed, adding to it more, he brought his right palm to his face and massaged his temples.

“Please, my lord, surely you must know yourself the importance of higher taxes! We need the money to fund out forces.”

“Yes, a fine idea, let’s bring Jian Ye into the riot capital, and while we’re at it-“

“I said shut it!” Bofu rose his voice, slamming the wooden table beside him. He was no tyrant, but people of the court knew not to disobey him, or feel his wrath. “…Now I understand the issue, in fact it was sorted by my brother only yesterday. Now if we could discuss more pressing issues than the taxation of Jian Ye, I would be much obliged to you all.”

It would proceed to improve a little, but only a little at best. For another half an hour, perhaps more, Bofu sat through the most tedious string of minor issues he had ever faced as ruler of his country; so poor was the court that day, he called it off far sooner than expected, with all issues raised and decided upon. Such figures as Lu Su, Huang Gai and even Quan, had departed even before that point, it all added up to a bad evening for the 40 year old Little Conqueror.

From the court room, his feet paced down the halls until he neared his private quarters. He dismissed his guards and slowly opened the door, hopeful that if Qiao were asleep, he would not disturb her too much. Completely away from knowing whether or not slumber had taken her, he moved inside. His face bore the stress of the day and the sigh that escaped his lips would be tell tale signs of his mild irritation.

[Da Qiao]

Da had been playing with a few strands of hair, stroking them absent-mindedly as she stared off into the distance, every few minutes a hand maiden poke her head in and ask if Da required assistance.

The only visit she had looked forward to was that of her young daughter. The child shuffled large eyes looked around the room and a saddened look crossed the child's face when her father was no where to be found. Da Qiao shook her head sadly; he was still busy with business. Sun Shi hugged her mother goodnight before being escorted to her room not far off by the handmaidens already tugging at the pins in her daughters hair to ready her for bed.

She had finally stood up lighter robes for bed, she wondered that if maybe she stalled for a few minutes she might get some form of company, maybe Sun Shi would get scared in the middle of the night and sneak into bed with her, not that Da every minded...

Just as she was crossing the room towards her bed she heard the door slide open, she looked over her shoulder ready to dismiss her handmaidens for the night, but what surprised her was the tall figure of her husband.

It wasn't just the fact that he had returned fairly early in comparison to what was normally expected, but the expression on his face made Da straighten up and turn to him. She didn't need to ask what was wrong it was plain on his face the stress was taking a toll on him and she began feeling guilty. Da had the luxury of choosing when she wanted to attend the council and when she wanted to sit out, but Ce couldn't choose it was mandatory.

Wanting to make a move, she assessed him once over. The set of his jaw, the look in his eyes, she had seen it too often she had grown attuned to it.

"Who was being a nuisance this time? I could scold them if you'd like?"

Her voice was comforting and soft while there was a bit of playfulness in her tone; she tried not to let the smile she was mustering falter; Da had been told that her smile was very uplifting, she hoped it would work for Ce.

Being the maternal figure she was, Da treated all her husbands generals like brothers and even the younger ones like sons; it wasn't uncommon for Da to scowl and shoot them looks which suggested they were in big trouble.

The only part that really concerned her was that all this stress could lead to her husband falling ill, it was hard enough living with the idea that one day he wouldn't return home alive, but if he was going to fall sick then it would be just as bad as dying in battle.

"How can I be of assistance my lord?"

Da took two smile strides closer to him, she didn't want to rush him at the door, he had only just got back and with his rare presence now-a-days she didn't want to be overwhelming much like his advisor's probably were.

[Sun Ce]

As the door widened and the inner quarters became visible, Ce half expected his wife to be laid under the covers asleep. His surprise showed when he entered, stood before him was his wife and whilst seemingly about to go to bed, was still very much awake. It was the lift he probably needed, already after only a second of seeing her, he felt the stress begin to lift.

"Who was being a nuisance this time? I could scold them if you'd like?"

He had been about to speak, when Da Qiao, with all her usual expertise and experience, brought a smile and a small chuckle out of her husband’s mouth. Moments before, he had wanted to punch someone, with all the irritation within him, but since then he had felt far better and in such a small space of time, that was truly the invaluable gift that she possessed.

“How can I be of assistance my Lord?”

The smile on his face increased further, resulting in Bofu lowered his head and giving another genuine chortle. What a remarkable person she was, more often than not making Ce feel like it should be him assisting her, but alas the unwritten rules of being a ruler means no person should be treated any better than he.

His expression was still less than perfect, but it was a vast improvement. He looked fresher, more human and most importantly less stressed. The Little Conqueror took a step towards her, drifting his left hand out to touch her right and clasped it, before with his right he would pull her head in for a kiss to the lips before then drifting away a few centimetres, allowing their hands to still remain held.

“You do enough for me already, Qiao. I think I’d lose my mind if it wasn’t for you.”

Perhaps the most genuine compliment he’d given out to someone in quite some time.

[Da Qiao]

Da’s own smile broadened as the sharp features of stress slowly disappeared from his face; the only thing she really lived for was stability and happiness within her own family. She knew that she could only provide him with temporary relief from the outside worries, but by the end of the day they were in the midst of war and the façade of living the perfect life collapses.

“I can be very intimidating when I scold; I’m being serious!”

She was trying not to crack a smile, acting like she was truly offended by his laugh, but the warm pressure on her forehead made her forget about her ruse and her face once more returned to a relaxed position the pressure of his hand in hers was one she wouldn’t take for granted.

Shaking her head and frowning slightly she couldn’t seem to agree with his statement, she wished she could be of greater value to him not just as a wife, but she wanted to completely take his troubles away. It wasn’t possible in such chaos, but one could always hope.

“If that were true, then I’d have a husband around more often than finding him sleeping in the council room.”

She had never seen him herself, but she was told that Ce and Yu would work so late sleep would creep up on them before they even knew they were tired. The idea made Da scowl mentally, she’d have to go give Zhou Yu and earful about overworking himself and Ce. It wasn’t that he didny appreciate hos compliment either, she just didn’t believe it to be true.

“I wish I could do more than stay home and be a pretty face for Wu.”

It wasn’t that she didn’t do anything, but the ‘affairs’ she dealt with tend to keep her away from the battlefield; it was understandable that with a child it would be reckless to do what she had done years before when she was younger. Still, she could be o some use…

“I don’t like seeing you so strained.”

[Sun Ce]

It was unlike the great Wu Lord to be anything but smiling and charasmatic - yet in recent months the stress of his job appeared to get the better of him on many occasions. No more was he happy to see Da Qiao, as he was sad to give her bad news, the kind he had held back from her for several days. He pushed it to the back of his mind, for the moment, and in its place came an all too familar smile, one that far too cheeky not to come with a joke of some sort.

“I wish I could do more than stay home and be a pretty face for Wu.”

He gave an uneasy look, before moving back from her, likely due to the almost certain punch that'd come his way with his words. His right hand moved out, giving a 50/50 hand gesture before he gave his remark, that'd even piss her off, or more likely as she knew him so well, would only make her laugh.

"Pretty...? Hmmm... maybe.... I'm not so sure really..."

Of course he had married her, he thought she was beyond beautiful and she was certain to know that.


// Short because I'd only have padded it out with rubbish and I want a natural flow, not an artificial one, which is what would happen if I forced words out haha

[Da Qiao]

They had been together for far too long for her to be offended by his jokes, Da was always known as the more serious of the two sisters, but he knew more so than the rest that she loved humor just as much as Ce did. Da decided she would play along, act upset and see how long she could keep the ruse up before laughing herself.

Her brows furrowed together and her arms crossed firmly. Da was not as strong as Sun Ren, but when angered she could be quite the opponent. Pulling herself up to her full height she drew in a deep breath trying to sound as angry as she possibly could she almost hissed.

"You should tell that to Sun Shi! She would be offended that you called her mother unattractive especially since she takes on after me."

The thought of her daughter brought a flicker of a smile to her face, but she immediately was rid of it hoping he hadn't noticed, which was unlikely. Despite the smile she wanted to upkeep her ruse of being genuinely offended.

"Well then perhaps you and Zhou Yu should have left us unpretty women to be taken by Wei's Cao Cao, I'm sure he would have been a much more appreciative lord!"

Da couldn't do it, she couldn't say such a thing with a straight face and before long she made a disgusted face just at the picture of the old man swam in her mind and the idea of being his concubine made her feel slightly nauseous.

Da took a threatening step forward and raised a fist to his nose, but in the last second unfurled and flicked him gently on the tip of his nose and acted as if she had just brought down the mightiest warrior of Han with both hands lips curled into a satisfied smirk.

"Not so tough are you son of the 'Tiger of Jiangdong'!"

He could tease as much as he wanted, but she would be just as relentless. Still with all that she said, she couldn't shake the face of the Wei war lord and soon enough her brows were once more furrowed; only it was clear something really did bother her.

[Sun Ce]

A smirk grew on his masculine features, slight dimples forming, under his facial stubble, a sign he had not shaved in a couple of days. He was always impressed with her 'acting', it was just one of many reasons why he loved her so. Like her he could play too, though not near as long as she could usually muster. He went from the smile to a more thoughtful look, nodding along, until she reached the part about Cao Cao, to which he only looked down and rolled his eyes.

"Over my dead body!" It wasn't fully exclaimed, slightly subdued in nature due to the time and the joking atmosphere.

The mood changed after she flicked his nose. It was clear there was something on both of their minds, Ce was still thinking about Wei and more importantly the news he had not yet given her. He was to attack Wei, but what came more worryingly to him was the bad omen he had been given by a palace preacher only the same day. He was not directly religious, but past acts made him wary, as the last time a bad omen present itself, he was barely saved by Zhou Yu from death.

"Da, I need to tell you something-" He did not finish his sentence noticing midway she was furrowed in the brows and too had something on her mind. "-What's up?"

Had she heard the news already? If not what was up with her? He wondered and waited for her response.

[Da Qiao]

Da Qiao didn't speak her brows remained furrowed, but when she realized her expression had cut him off from speaking she immediately straightened her features wanting to look more pleasant she didn't want to worry him further.

In recent times she had claimed to wanting to stay with her daughter; busying herself with trivial matters all to avoid the politics. Despite all that, she was not ignorant and was partially aware of the situation especially their northern enemies.

"My lord, I fear that bloodshed is on the horizon once more."

The last battle she was not a part of, especially considering how far they wanted to keep herself and her sister away from the opposing warlord, but she didn't want it to be that way again.

Da didn't speak any more, she didn't want to seem frightened by the idea, which she was not, but she also did not want him to confirm her fears as foolish as it may have sounded. To her a battle always meant that there would be another chance for her to be left a widow and their daughter fatherless. Da extended her small hands and wrapped them firmly around his wrist as if the simple pressure would negate her suspicions and he would give her the answer she wanted; Da was being foolish.

[Sun Ce]

Ce kept his gaze set on his wife, watching and listening to her words and her body language. No doubt he was feeling somewhat guilty with not only his kept secret, but also what it could lead to. She didn't have to speak, for he already knew her words and out of her soft lips they rose into the air and made him feel terrible inside.

"My lord, I fear that bloodshed is on the horizon once more."

He had his eyes locked with hers until her voice reached his ears and then he looked away, only for a brief moment, but it was enough to confirm her fears without a response being given vocally.

"I...-"

He was to speak, but he stumbled, her hands grasping his wrists, cutting him off, forcing him to once again consider the consequences of his actions, those same thoughts that had delayed his attack several weeks already. He looked down at her wrists and he found it impossible to raise his gaze from them, his response continuing once more, but sounding far from confident, as if he carried a greater burden.

"I will lead Wu north over the river into Wei, for Taishi Ci, for all those who died at Xiaoyao Ford."

Tomorrow would perhaps be the last time to see his daughter, for even though he had yet to tell her, he left at noon. His time then and there would be the last time he'd see Da Qiao for weeks, months, or however long it took, or it may yet be the last time ever.

[Da Qiao]

He didnt have to speak and in that instant she let go of his arm, it was futile to try and argue or beg for him to stay back not after the mention of his fallen general. Da Qiao turned her back and took a few steps away deep in thought.

Da knew it wasn't fair to their daughter; the only times Sun Shi could bond with her father were the odd nights he'd be done early and now she couldn't get that opportunity, because he'd be marching off to lead another attack. Da wrapped her arms around herself, hands gripping her upper arms firmly as if holding herself together. No matter how long it had been and how many times a battle would occur; Da could never get over her fear of losing him.

"And I am to stay back and support Quan while my husband runs off and puts himself in harms way; you place such a heavy burden on me."

She knew it was wrong to say such things with him leaving so soon placing guilt in his heart was detrimental if anything to his own morale; she couldn't do that to him.

Spinning around her face was set into a look that he would recognize all to well, it was the look she gave when she wanted something and wanted to hear no debates from him... yet she doubted he would listen.

"My lord I am going with you."

Her voice was firm, determined teeth gritted in finality. Da brought herself up to her full height, still her husband towered over her small frame, but she needed to show him how serious she was.

Da may have grown older with time, but her skills were just as they were before. Yes, she was not as strong as her sister Sun Ren, nor as strong willed in battle like her Xiao Qiao, but she could hold her own and being by his side would be the only way she would be sure he'd return home.

"Grant me this one request."

She knew that by the end of the day he could order guards to hold her down or keep her locked up in their chambers till their force was far enough away, but she needed him to see how important this was to her.

[Sun Ce]

It was heart breaking to see the one he loved react so sadly at his words. If he had the option and the chance, he'd have stayed behind, the days of being a warrior feeling as if they were coming to a stall. He wanted to hang back and be with his family, but the other side of him wanted to get revenge for his family's name and prove once and for all that it is Wu with the finest generals, the mightiest blade and the sharpest brain.

Bofu had the unfortunate position where not only was he putting himself in danger, but his wife wished to go with him, not only across the river, but no doubt into the thick of action - she was not his sister, it would be dangerous to send her, even if it enraged her to be denied her request.

"My lord I am going with you. Grant me this one request."

she had since turned back to face him, after having previously turned her back. He shook his head, indicating his response before he confirmed it in words.

"You know I won't allow you. You are more to me than just a wife, but never would I willingly endanger the upbringing of our daughter, she needs you, here in the safety of Wu." He paused, look at her in her eyes, a stressful look etched to his face. "The guards in Jian Ye, as well as Zhou Yu, Sun Quan, your sister, all know you are to stay here. You may move through Wu under my brother's authority only... I hope you understand."

He doubted she would, he was sure she'd think he was imprisoning her away from him, but in his eyes and in his mind he was only doing it for her safety and for their daughter's welfare.

"You know I'd want nothing else than to have you there, but I can't think of myself - I must think of Shi, Wu and everyone else who looks to me to be 'that guy' again."

'That guy' the one who borrowed troops off Yuan Shu and against all odds captured his family's homeland back from the rebellious and bandit forces in Jian Ye, Wu, Hui Ji and surrounding lands. Sun Ce was Wu's Lu Bu, a man of no rival on the battlefield, someone people feared, or at the very least used to. Now with Zhang Liao looming at Hefei, they wanted and needed 'that guy' to return and conquer Wei's defences. There was no room for personal feelings, no room for a wife on the battlefield.

[Da Qiao]

Da Qiao was prepared for his answer, she knew him to well and was ready to protest she unclenched her jaw and barely parted her lips to speak her voice barely above a whisper. Years ago there was no child to tend to. The only other family member Da had was her own sister and the two would stick together in the back line of battle.

"You are right, I am not Ren. Neither as strong nor as fierce as she is, but you know as well as I that unlike my sister I know how to keep myself away from danger."

Da sat on the edge of the bed, she placed er hands on her lap clenching the fabric of her robes. He was right Shi was the most important person in both their lives, and it was somewhat selfish of her to make such a request; her voice was pained and weak Da could be emotionally frail at times and somehow it was always because of her own fear for her family.

"I know she could lose you, and I'd never leave her motherless, but for the sake of her future and for the sake of our people my presence could be beneficial!"

Her voice had slowly got stronger, the more she thought about it the more she wanted to protest his refute. Ren was also a mother, a stepmother, but still a mother figure to her husbands son what was different in her own situation.

"My lord I could stay back, I could be a distraction... I could secure bases once the enemy's defences break. You know as well as I how threatening the Northern lord is and all man power is needed no matter what form it comes in."

Da Qiao wondered if she voiced all the possible uses she could be that even Zhou Yu wouldn't deny the benefit. Shi would be taken care off, this child was fond of her uncle and the handmaidens and tutors took good care of her and Quan didn't need Da he had many to advise him on politics and internal affairs.

"Am I not as useful as she is...?"

It was obvious who she spoke of, Da was not jealous of his new concubine, it was normal in their society and Da accepted the woman as family despite not having many interactions with her; Da feared that Diao Chan was avoiding her. What bothered Da was that her only use in the past few months was making sure their people were happy even if it meant a public appearance and a few smiles... Da felt useless and he didn't seem to understand that.

[Sun Ce]

She did as he expected - Da took it badly, eventually sitting on the edge of their bed in either hopes of composing herself enough to persuade him, or to prevent herself from allowing her annoyance to bubble over and to say something she might regret. It was understandable in both cases and he would honestly prefer her to have the emotions to care so much, than to be around someone who would always settle for second best.

The Wu lord moved over to her front, shifting to a crouched position in front of her, his concern always one of his major pros to his personality. He listened to all she had to say, from declaring herself a benefit, to her potential strategic ability if she were to go. He listened, he nodded along, but ultimately he was always bound to refuse her, she was far too precious to allow into war now.

He wasn't going to budge on the issue and his face only showed sorrow, not any re-thought. He'd break her heart perhaps, or worse, but he had to make her understand, even if it meant being even more direct with his replies.

"Am I not as useful as she is...?"

She spoke just before he opened his mouth with his pre-thought response, the reality of her final words only hit him mid sentence. "Da, I'm really-"

It caught him off guard, he stumbled in his words, forced to think of what she meant, how she meant it and most importantly what she thought she would get from bringing it up. In the end it did more damage than she probably realised, instead of trying to shock him into a more positive reaction out of sympathy, it instead seemed to irritate him.

"Is this what it's really about?" He retorted, with an annoyed lining to his voice. "Urgh...!"

The sound he produced was the tell tale sign he was irritated. He rose from his crouch, turned his back to her and paced a few steps before he turned on his heel and returned to give her audience.

"For the last time, it's too dangerous for you, Da. It is not about what Diao Chan does, what power she holds, or how she compares with you, because she is nothing against you."

Why was he so irritated though? It was as if Diao Chan did in fact hold some power over him, but could that compare with Da Qiao? Probably not, but maybe there was that suspicion in his wife's mind to accuse him of such. In truth Sun Ce enjoyed the conversations with Diao Chan, she was supportive of his warrior background, she did not try to complicate matters and it was a break he much needed; his wife whilst beautiful, loving and supportive, could also be condemning of his war actions.

They were two very different people, but opposites are meant to attract, yet all it takes is a more powerful magnet to upset the balance.

[Da Qiao]

Da was starting to regret her statement already, she wanted to take it back. The annoyance in his voice hurt, and she immediately turned her face to the side locks of hair covering her pained face. What hurt her the most was that she couldn't full-fill her duty as his wife, keep the stress away but through one sentence she had made things worse than when it started.

Da couldn't speak, she was upset if not at her own stupidity, but because his reaction was somewhat a confirmation of how much she felt she lacked; at least it seemed that way to her.

All of a sudden she wished she had been asleep; curled up under the covers and avoided the whole conversation all together. Yet, she felt like she wasn't wrong, Da always sacrificed her own feelings for others, especially her own, but this was for him. Was he blind to not see how much it hurt everyday knowing she could't be of more use to him? How she wished she could help him more so in war than affairs that could be easily dealt with by advisor's? She could feel the burning sensation behind her eyes, but she wouldn't, she couldn't let him see her so weak especially because she didn't want him to feel sorry for her.

"Is this what it's really about?"

"Don't give me that Ce, don't make it sound like I'm speaking out of jealousy!"

It was the first time in a very long time did she drop the formality, Da never got emotional to this extent and she wasn't even sure what bothered her more; the fact that he wouldn't let her go or the fact that she felt insignificant to Wu. With every word he spoke his annoyance hurt her more and more still almost feeling ashamed of even being in his presence.

"I--."

But her weakened voice cracked and she couldn't continue, she didnt look up to him and couldn't bring herself to continue her sentence, but she had to if not for her own sake then at least for his.

"I have to live with the burden of telling our--- our child that her father may not come home; that I couldn't do anything to help or s-- save him. How can I look her in the eyes and tell her I did everything I could?"

For all she knew Diao Chan was marching her husband to his death, had she not done it twice in the past? And yet he brought this woman into councils and trusted her with listening in on the meetings that Da had been avoiding for the past while.

Da didn't want him seeing her face, she wanted to leave and curl up besides her daughters sleeping form it was the few comforts she still had in life; it hadn't occurred to Da that she was on the verge of tears there was too much on her mind for her to be fully aware of her body.