Post by Liu Zhang on Apr 4, 2012 17:13:14 GMT -5
It's Like a Heartbeat (Only It Isn't)
A moonless night. The Heavens do us no justice this night. "Or any other night for that matter." Jiyu sat in his chambers surrounded by the ruddy glow of a few candles. The shutters of his room were open, but the stars offered little enough light on their own. It wasn't stars that he needed -- it was the moon. "The fucking moon, not these candles; not those damned stars! A lot of good those damned things have done for me; their portents read by the best and the brightest of my astrologers. 'Oh, great tidings come with your kinsman from the east.' 'No matter that this treacherous Liu Bei has been joined with the evil men that pretend to serve you; the stars say that Heaven is on our side.'" He sighed heavily.
"A lot of good these stars have done for me, for the men I've lost."
Jiyu had to make a strong mental and physical effort to unclench his jaw and it ached deeply when he had finally succeeded in doing so. He rubbed at his face, his eyes were swollen, dark circles under and about them. He had wrinkles where he had none or few previously. His neatly trimmed goatee was overgrown, stubble sprouting where before there had been only shaven flesh. He sighed again. "I was never meant for this." He said as bitter tears fell upon his tired face. "I was the youngest, the youngest of four! How is it that I could become both the heir apparent and then the lord within a single damned year?! I was never mean for this . . ."
He regarded the flame of the candle nearest him in silence. The air was humid, thick; there was little in the way of a breeze. The flame slowly danced, hypnotically pulsing, rising, falling. All of it seemed to be in time to some ethereal music, something gods could hear, something gods had made. He wondered for a moment if he could hear it if he tried hard enough. He closed his eyes, the flame still visible in his mind, dancing, responding to some heavenly call.
He pushed all of his thoughts away, all of his woes and worries. His shoulders sank with such a heavy burden being lifted for the first time. Jiyu was aware that it would likely be the only time as well, but he resolved to not worry about that or the rest -- not just then. His mind was closed to all except for his sense of hearing. It was silent in his room, but without it he could hear mean speaking, walking, breathing, living. He could hear shouts below, orders being called, orders being followed. He could hear the pulse of the city -- his city. The city that he never wanted to have.
But something was wrong; the flame moved not to the city's pulse. He opened his eyes to regard its movements once again. It is wrong. What drives this flame to dance so? Eyes closed once more, Jiyu pushed past the sound of the living and breathing of Chengdu. His ears sought further, as far as his hearing could take him. There was nothing for a long time, but it felt right; he was listening in the right place. He remained like that for a what seemed like an eternity, silence weighing on him.
Finally something! He could feel it, hear it, and it was right. It was faint at first, but it steadily grew in decibels. Jiyu opened his tired eyes with much effort and found that it was the rhythm that the flame moved to, that which kept its time in its beautiful dance. He watched now as it danced, and he listened to the sound. It was slow, steady, powerful. As he watched, he realized that his heart was now keeping time with it as well. And he smiled for the first time in a very long time, so long that an expression which was once so common in his life felt foreign upon his features.
It's like a heartbeat . . .
A heartbeat . . .
The sound grew louder, more prominent and he lost himself within it gladly. His smile was still present as he close his eyes once more. He could feel it within himself now; there was nothing but the rhythm, the pulse. It's like a heartbeat-
The door burst open.
"My lord! The enemy is at the gates! They used the absence of the moon and the night blindness caused by our torches to their advantage. They have a ram!"
Liu Zhang opened his eyes, the words registering most heavily upon him. Despite the blow he felt from the words, he chuckled heartily. The guard looked at him, confused, likely worried that perhaps Jiyu had lost his mind finally. The guard made to speak but Liu Zhang cut him off. "I was mistaken," he said chuckling still. "My lord?"
"It's like a heartbeat." He said bitterly. "It's like a heartbeat, only it isn't."
He stood up and smiled at the guard. The sound was louder now that it had been previous and now it brought dread instead of peace. The guard still seemed confused, and rightly so. Perhaps Liu Zhang had lost his mind, but it didn't matter anymore. There was no time to dwell on such trivialities. "Come, I have a council that needs holding, I would imagine." He did not wait for a response, brushing past the confused man. As he walked down the hall alone he chuckled again.
"Only it isn't."